Thoughts

Sometimes, I find it annoying when people always asking you to never mess up, shouldering their burdens for your betterment.

It pressures me a lot though part of me, (greatest part) is they are just guiding me to the right path, and I'm thankful for that.

 Sometimes, I just thought that what if I mess up?. What will they think of me after that? It's frustrating to think that you have to grow up faster than them, think for the betterment of them, and be mature for them because it is the right thing to do.

Part of me, Yes. I'm crying on the inside, masking all my hidden emotions with a poker and expressionless face.

I'm trying my best to be better but there is a nagging feeling of me, the surreal emptiness that makes me more annoyed and anxious of what's going on with my life.

It's just that, it sucks being the grown up in the household. One has to plan everything in life for stability and the so-called, "fine" living, wherein you have to be the pressured role model for your youngsters to look up to.

It's nice and rewarding to be the role model but one tends to grow up faster than usual. However, I'm used to such treatment.

It's just that, I just wanted these thoughts to be written that's all, and for me to breathe better.

Most people I know tend to tell me and ask me that, "Don't you feel empty and cold?, living your boring life?"

I just answered happily and tell them, It's for a purpose. At least, it helped me. but I also added a bit of impulsive words because I can't stand people commenting on how to live my life.

I Get it.

I get it.

The times I cannot look at you directly.

Moments wherein, I cannot talk to you straight.

But then again, what else can I hope for?

It's nice to feel that emotion again.

At least, behind this cold mask is a glimmer of loyalty and faith

But, all I can do is look at you from a distance

Wait for instances that someone like me, can look your way.

As much as I wanted to hide it, bury it so deep,

I wanted to scream it to you so that I won't hope any longer

Because, I get it.

It's okay.

It's hard that you like somebody, but doesn't feel the same way.

I tend to laugh it out, thinking to myself that it is harmless.

Because, I cried for that stupid emotion again in the past.

Even though it's like this, I will just smile

Because I get it.