A sarcastic note about what I feel...

I guess you are going to hear again, my own rants and thoughts, about what is going on. Truth is, I had enough of everything...

Inside of me, I wanted to scream these crashing thoughts. However, bearing and concealing it with a cold poker face is the one saving me from my own sanity. It is exhausting and I have been used to dealing with it, handling everything on my own yet I'm starting to doubt what I can really do.

I just felt miserable, let alone sad just thinking about it. Yet, I know that for the first time, I learn to acknowledge my own feelings and letting it be because I could not even handle everything anymore. I have my own limits.

I conceal these thoughts in my head by bearing a cheery smile and face. I think also that this is what I'm good at, withholding anything and never letting anyone in.

I can't please everyone... and sometimes, I find it frustrating because when it's time for me to say no, a big no, I end up feeling guilty of myself, not doing the said task.

THE PROBLEM IS ME. IT IS ALWAYS ME. and that's my own curse. It's the one making me angry, irritated and frustrated inside.

I'm smashing words because I'm angry at myself. I'm frustrated and misunderstood. Why do I need to pretend? Why do I need to mask what I really feel just to please anyone and get the job done? It's the job that I love, not much on the crowd or anybody else to make friends with.

It's irritating to let people push one to be sociable, you have to be extroverted to let people like you and let them follow you. Why can't they accept that this is who I really am? It's fuming inside, and these thoughts, these voices in my head are the ones bothering me, making me question who I really am, doubting of what I can do anymore.

That's it. Today, I'm dying inside and to tell you the truth, I'm starting to think about it again...

"It", death. Killing, let me suffer to wipe myself out of existence...

Forgive me, my old friend to making you hear my own rants and drama about this dull, hopeless life. Though, I'm thankful that you are the one who helps me through thick and thin, I felt appreciative about it.

I'm lost. I don't know what to do anymore...

I don't know if I could save myself, from my own sanity...