I never take things personally. Every task given to me, I devote myself into. One sees me as this workaholic type, who ,every thought in her head, is to be successful, to have her efforts finally rewarded for the time being. I am that person who finds solutions (even some of them did or did not work). People view me as this tough and mysterious being who never backs down, concealing every emotion I have secretly for it might ruin my brain and interrupt my analysis.
To the one who might be reading this, I think you may ask if all my life,
Am I not bored or stuck living the same thinking of being goal-oriented?
Am I used to living a life in which I can shoot an arrow, and expecting things I can control fall into the place I wanted them to be?
For awhile, I find my life not worth living anymore. I find myself too controlling of every situation that I never stopped to let it go, once in a while. To live life freely as it should be, without my cold hands controlling everything.
Sometimes, because of this nature of mine, I gambled one of the best friendships I have. In the end, I lost it because both of us, wither it.
I felt lonely. For the first time, I learn to acknowledge my own feelings and emotions. Though, I'm tolerant at being alone, I felt cold and forgotten.
Most teenagers in my age, will be problematic if what will they wear in the day, or when will they have a boyfriend or a loving relationship. Most fellas my age would be horrified if they were not invited to a party or any social event. Then, I realized that what sets me apart for most of them, is that I follow what my head will say. Sadly, I have a tough head and misunderstood aura, that all my life, I have been used to dwelling.
I don't know what to do. Yet, I believe that these thoughts will change gradually and slowly, in my own pace and time.
Someday, I might know the answers. Someday, I might found a light that I will follow, perhaps even keep me warm even a little.
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