Scribbles 23

"It's amazing how I can be so blunt about everything but my feelings."

Probably, the statement really struck me because I can relate to it. I find it weird (and amazing) at the same time because when people, or probably friends keep sharing about their own love lives, I find the situation awkward and empty because I never tend to experience it.

Somehow, I accepted the fact that I can be abrasive at times when it comes in doing the job and I know myself for being a cold and logical being but when it comes to feelings, emotions, and probably yeah love (even I am writing weirdly), I find it uncomfortable mentioning it and not thinking about it because for this one specific reason:

I....am.....scared.

Scared of being hurt by selfish and careless actions; afraid of being confined and trapped in a stuffy relationship; and, I'm scared to give away my individuality and freedom for such person if ever.

However,even though I'm scared, I'm willing to wait, if ever for the right person which this rare quality that I really look and I consider that person, very special.

I long for a person, the guy who will have the guts to outwit me, probably beat me in my own game and have the courage and sincerity to say it straight to me how he really feels. Then, that person is a keeper.

In fact, that person is so courageous, and special because he well, beat me.

In reality, Some people even though how deeply they will fell in love to such person can be hurt by some unconscious actions.

And I think that's why I prefer feeling it, and then easily, get over it because I,myself have my own priorities to choose. I choose to follow my own gut and my brain, rather than my emotions trying to take over.

Yeah,just a cold and boring post because I see myself as a mental person, rather than an emotional one.

However, I do hope that I will find someone whose demons are compatible with mine.

Even this logical person is also a sucker in Soul-mates and meant-to-be scenarios. But nah, I have to focus on my goals and dreams first.