Introverted thoughts

I seek happiness. Everybody does. I seek joy, sorrow, pain, love, lust, excitement, compatibility, desire, affection, and fulfillment.

Most importantly to be happy, I mean who isn't. I want someone to share life with, friends that realize and accept who I really am.

Whether, I never tend to admit this illogical thoughts,it is true.Some repress this so deeply and are such in denial and such misery, that I have accepted this as a way of life and be contented with loneliness, if nothing else to prove that I am wrong.

I am tolerant at being alone, and perhaps, I tend to need more alone time than anybody else but that doesn't mean I don't need love and companionship-quite the contrary.

People might find it selfish and intriguing, that I detach myself in a room full of people, quietly analyzing the things going on in my head. But that's just it is, I prefer following the rational part of my brain rather than making my decisions based on my feelings.

I compartmentalize anything,every aspect of my life, finding a neat tidy box to store emotions in a dark corner in my head because I find them unnecessary and confusing because of its ambiguity.

Ambiguity, in the sense, that I am unfamiliar with them and hate talking about them. It's complicated.

I have everything already figured out, mapped out, and ironed out through and through, adding another human to the mix would completely upset everything and

I hate change. I panic and over-analyze everything which is so frustrating because it doesn't make sense. I am lethargic, and restless because my mind is utterly obsessed with new ideas, strategies that will somehow make my world tick.

So what? I'm doomed?

Quite the contrary, No.

Life takes work and I must learn one thing, perhaps learn it the hard way as possible.

I must learn to trust.

When I find the right person, suddenly everything seems clear and maybe, life becomes more exciting and fascinating to watch how different my partner is from you, and how that person and I can work together and grow. Suddenly, the immovable objects in my life are moved because I want them to be and maybe,

That's what life is all about: compromise, love, forgiveness, happiness, family, companionship...

As long as I never close this door in my heart, everything will be okay.