Thursday, August 21, 2014

Hustling thoughts

Time passes. Usual sounds of traffic and loud noises of people hurrying to get to work. The real world in the city hustles as each individual is focused on their own problems and worries.

Walking quietly, I observed them. Slowly in my usual pace, I just stare at people walking in front. Ignoring the time, never minding that I will be late in my first class.

I'm walking slowly, thinking of that moment wherein I just wanted to live my life as quietly as possible. However, right now,  I realized that my life is slowly becoming as chaotic as it can be.

Sometimes, I think that I don't belong there. For the last 3 years of my life, I entertain such thought which is uncanny and frustrating. Questions start to clash in my head for why did I think of that lately.

Questions of disappointment and fear start boiling in. People start to see me in there which is a lot terrifying. I note to myself, for a long time, that I will pass by as an invisible soul.

Yet, I broke that solemn promise and because of that, I'm scared of facing the year ahead. I'm terrified of being judged, and for being seen, for being exposed.

These ideas bubble up for I have been known as a great pretender, a fellow who masks her own feelings and emotions.

I don't know what will happen to me next. I just keep moving forward and get the next ride just to get to class.





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