Usual trend

Sometimes, I wonder who is the dense one. I thought who is the one who never noticed ,and who never felt it first. Indeed, I haven't shunned the feeling that even a 4 month vacation can surpass.

Shit.

One word that summarizes the whole scenario. It defines what I look and see the situation for again, I have been the one who is fleeting, who is frustratingly hoping for something to blossom.

That's what bothers me. I know for the fact, that I have been the dumb one again and I don't want to linger upon those false unexpected hopes that you and me will.

If you know what I mean, fell for it...

I notice you a lot. I observe every inch of it and I felt a little uncanny jealousy of how others approach you so lightly. 

As for me, I'm just sitting in the corner, waiting. I asked myself that How did they do it? and pondered on that they are lucky to be friends with you and here I am, still stuck on being the classmate.

I think that it is better that way. It is much more simpler, lighter and comfortable for you and me. Besides, you are happier right now. 

Who am I to disturb and shatter that? A year is ahead and after it, We will be leaving our separate paths. Without any closure, and communication of what we are. 

Maybe, I tend to believe the idea that I will become a delusional idiot who thinks that you well, If you know what I mean... (I don't want to tell it because, of the fear of being labeled as a delusional idiot...)

Expressing these thoughts feels delusional. I know for the fact, that you never even noticed me. I believe that these stored feelings will remain what it is, hidden in the dark for you were never mine to lose. In fact, you were never mine to fight. 

You were never mine to long for. I accept that thought gradually for I know for myself, that I failed. 

The result is an unrequited love. 

The usual trend of my existence and maybe, I am designed in this world to be alone...