Blues

Predictably, my first day of being a representative is awful. Sometimes, I am so angry at myself because of it. I am so frustrated for I made a mistake again, for being late. I'm worried what others will think of me, for I didn't came on the right spot.

Sigh, it's exhausting. I just wanted a place to rant these thoughts in my head. The crowd of people out there is very overwhelming that my energy is zapped.

To be honest, I hate crowds and the feeling of resigning to the position always bugs my head. I'm often viewed as a misunderstood individual, a quiet fellow then that's who I am.

Here it is, I write these mishaps for I repress them inside of me. I repress and hide these mistakes. I even predict to the fact, that I might let those people down, yet I'm doing my best to be what they wanted to be, even though I'm not what they thought.

The feeling of giving up is present. I'm supposed to be enjoying my "last" first day,and I encountered the opposite.

Truthfully, I force myself to be an extrovert and it is awful after. As quoted in an article, "We know what we can and can't be.

We know what we have to be, well, we know what society expects us to do – to conform.  So, mostly, we do.

I share this memento because, truly, I can relate to it. Sometimes I wish to be the fella who have lots of energy, who can be as outgoing and sociable as I can be. However, I am not built that way. I'm doing my best to adjust, as quickly as possible and I don't know what the outcome can be.

Probably, today's first day is exhausting. Somehow, I must adjust so that I can get used to it.

Thank you anyway for listening, true friend.:)