Sigh.

That awkward moment, when your own father and aunts already question what gender you are...

Man, it is frustrating to think about it again. I recall my father's question," Tomboy ka day? (Are you lesbian?). My face turned red because I cannot believe that he asked such question. It is insulting because he explains the way I dress (haggardly perhaps), when I am always with girls, and the fact that I have never, yes never had a boyfriend.

It is frustrating.

I burst out my anger that I already lectured him about being gender bias. It is exhausting and I pour my heart out. I told him that even though I dress this way (the haggard outfit, just a jeans and a plain shirt) does not mean I am a lesbian. I love portraying male characters because they are interesting especially the villains and it does not mean I'm a lesbian. Sigh, I was strong about it and my father just sat there pretending to listen.

I just skipped the fact that my "love life" is empty and I suffered because of that former "guy" (but I have outgrown the feeling). I even told them that I am very concentrated in my studies that I do not have time to care about having a boyfriend or not. (Honestly, it might be nice but nah, it is impossible for me.) My aunts also tease me about it for being single for a long time. I thought that I am not like my cousins who had boyfriends at an early age. I am not even like my parents who got married at an early age.

Which leads us back to fact that my life is empty, cold and dark but I am not afraid. Actually, i don't even care. It is just that if God gave me the opportunity (to fall in love,maybe) why not give it a chance?

However, I am really weak when it comes to that aspect.

I ended my defense with a big sigh and continue my work. At least, my mother miraculously supported me with my decisions. I was happy for that.