Scribbles 19

The disadvantages of having an excellent memory is the inability to never git rid of events and random memories.

Sometimes it's an annoying gift because such memories always comes back to haunt you from the shadows of the past. I find it funny and ironic because sigh, life has a funny way of exploding itself on your face proving you wrong. 

I mean, it's my fault also because I tend to plan ahead on what to do in my life that sometimes, I forget to live  life as it is. I forget that I have no full control of it.

What can you say? I'm a person too, I make mistakes.

It's funny because I have realized that history repeats itself and I find it ironic too. I never expected that to happen because I tend to live a simple and organized event in life when it comes to school and studies. Furthermore, I said to myself (and probably, one of the biggest lies I have told to myself) that in college, I will purely study, get a diploma, get a job and move on.

However, I realized that man, it's boring to do the same routine everyday. Moreover, I am a free spirit and why do I have to bind myself in those things. 

I am a free spirit bearing the right priorities. I will do what it takes to fulfill those dreams.

Yeah, that memory from the last decade repeats itself recently at the present. I find it hard to figure out what the message is but then again, I find it funny and ironic.

It's purely coincidental and it's weird yet special at the same time because it is funny and ironic.

Life is like that. I find myself laughing whenever I think about it anytime.

Dream Wishlist

Well, Here I am once again. Probably the most random human being who writes random stuff in this blog. Then again, at least I'm not bored and this is my own blog, I can do anything with it.

Anyway, I will just jot down my things I wanted to do (so far) in my life. Some might find it weird,others,funny and some, sad but then again that's me: A random and weird human being.

Enough small talk and let's get it on. Hahaha.

1. Surpass College like a Ghost, an insignificant human being whom people will never notice.

2. If possible, buy Harold's Hotel and improve its interior and exterior then if bored, buy another hotel.

3. If possible, franchise National Bookstore in the South part of Cebu so that me, the owner of this sole blog, will never bother ride to Ayala to buy materials.

4. Buy a private island wherein you will plot your world domination ideas.

5. Make a virus that will hack the world's database and use it for own purposes, well not evil purposes, but for the greater good (unless,if the world will blackmail the owner,but then again, they can't because I have hacked them.)

6. Go to an unknown place, wherein the stars will be entirely visible. A clear night sky is all I need to fester my mood.

7. Buy a telescope or plan to go to an observatory.

8. Be a person worth assassinating, then I will realize how worthy I am because there is justice if I die.

9. Join both political orgs, or better yet, be half red and half blue. No one can tell the difference because they are the same in terms of, they stimulate a person's critical thinking when it comes to politics.

10. Make a book about the "bittersweetness" of love.

11. Collect random contact numbers in school (and yes, I have many random contact numbers in school. That's why my old phone is very special.)

12. Be an inspiration.

13. Walk from UP to Minglanilla. (Well, I have walked from UP to Basak, how much more if UP to my hometown, this would be fun.haha)

14. Jump off a cliff.

15. Be Secretary Gloria's assistant.

16. If the owner doesn't graduate on time, the owner will apply being a janitress in UP and earn income. (What's there to worry? I have took Maintenance 101 at home, I am the expert.)

17. Discover the warp zone in the trees in UP, a warp zone that can go to India from Philippines. (Seriously,there is India,Philippines;Indonesia,Philippines in trees in UP, they can be warp zones.)

18. For once, I will finally taste a coffee and a sweet dessert in Coffee Dream.

19. Try a cupcake, or a cake, or the most FANTASTIC Dessert I have ever tasted.

20. Travel to Cairo, Egypt and just get lost there.

21. Travel to the Amazon River and just get lost there.

22. Travel to London and just get lost there.

23. Travel to Paris, and go to the Eiffel Tower, the Louvre, or just get lost in Paris.

24. Travel to RKS, then RCA.

25. Travel to China, India, Brazil, New Zealand.

26. Yeah, it's obvious I like to travel. So yeah, TRAVEL ALL AROUND THE WORLD.

27. Rent a Space Ship to the Moon.

28. Go to Mars.

29. Go to Jupiter, Saturn,Neptune, Uranus, and Pluto (Yay! I will never forget you.)

30. Own A Design Company, with DAMSEL as its name that targets the masses or kinda like RKS company.

31. If possible,work in RKS.

32. After working, retire and then be a spiritual monk and guru.

33. Get lost in the forest and if found, act like a wise Monk with a splash of good advice to those who are lost in the forest.

34. Own an hourglass because the owner lost the old one.

35. Own a weird and rare thing, a historical artifact and try to sell it for millions and search for Museum enthusiasts who want to buy it.

36. Go to every museum in the world.

37. Enroll in Harvard with a course in Anthropology (If possible.)

38. Invent something that will teleport people.

39. Discover who I really am and then laugh about it because I am a big joke.

40. Invent something that will slow time.

41. Invent a time machine.

42. Disregard plan no.41 because it will destroy the time continuum

43. Invent something that will discover the existence of heaven and hell.

44. Draw and build an animation company.

45. Create my own wizard school and then destroy it because I was the sole creator and destroyer of it.

46. Ride a bullet train.

47. Ride an old and classy train.

48. Go to Vatican, Bethlehem, and Mecca.

49. Die for the sole purpose of dying because the owner never regrets her life.

50. Tell that person, Who are you again?

51. Keep dreaming, POSSIBILITIES are Endless.

Yeah, that's about it. Nice talking Strange online paper.:D

To My Best Friend

I cannot believe it because I thought that you are my friend, a person that stood by me through the years.

How can you do a stupid joke like that to me? A joke that weighs on a medical condition that a normal person like I am, tend to be worried.

Is that what you call fun? Please, I suggest that you would do something productive in your life for once.

What's worse? That prank you did was first planned by your silly boyfriend that even I don't know how in the world, you believed him more than I do.

Yeah, I know that you knew me a lot because I am the kind who doesn't let the anger fester that long in my system but hear this:

You are not a real friend because you doubted me for being a true one. I would defend you at all costs but why do you have to do that stupid test just to prove my loyalty.

What's worse, you broke my trust, a trust that took years to build but a little prank fell that foundation apart.

And you know what, I take those words back. Then again, it is my decision to give you a second chance. Everybody deserves one.

You might walk away from my life then walk away then, I'm used to being alone.

That way, you will regret ever doing that to me. But, I will let the universe do that for me, because I have no power to do it.

That's life, People will always come and go because they are just mere beings but the real ones, always stick by your side and knows you a lot, your strengths and weaknesses.

Scribbles 18

Funny how life has its own way of helping you out. Well, it has its ups and downs and sometimes, one will always fell in love of how ironic and humorous it is.

It's funny of how the biggest lies one does to tell oneself tend to be their stepping stones in discovering their selves better.

It's ironic of how the things that really hurt you deep inside, are lessons that you can just laugh about it because it will always be part of the big picture, that's life.

Life is a balance of humor and irony and it's a splash of choices and decisions.

It is surprising and very unpredictable that sometimes, the things you tend to avoid and never expect to happen in your life, happens in your face that leaves you wondering.

I never expected that I will live longer;I never dreamed that I will be able to survive a prestigious school.

I never hoped that a course with the fancy name of Bachelor of Fine Arts Product Design will fascinate me fully. Well, the funny reason of why I choose the course because of how unique the name is and I decided to take a risk.

Yeah, I have been to the stage wherein schoolmates,classmates,teachers, and even my parents tend to question my own decisions. They expected me to take up a Science-related course like Bio, Chemical Engineering and even Psychology. My parents expected me to take up Law.

Some people are in shocked when they know the course I took. They even questioned me of how Art gets into my system.

I fancy the public's naivety of who I really am. It's funny yet ironic at the same time which is very interesting.

Well, I survived two years and I really appreciate it. I hope that it will be more.

But then again, I tend to never spoil what life has to offer.

Well, as my friend quoted : "We Never Know" (c)Dumasig, Jazeel.

Nice Talking strange online paper.:)

Scribbles 17

We might see each other again and I don't know how to react if I will see you again.

It's funny because people around you don't have the gesture to say a formal goodbye if they will disappear from your lives.

You disappeared from my life, without any warning, a proper indication of farewell that you will be going
away.

You went away but I discovered that first, as usual.

I find it painful.

It's ironic because we were kids back then, a childish friendship that seems to deteriorate in time and yet, I'm still longing of how it will turn out in the future.

I still remembered every inch of those memories that 10 years is just a number if you really love somebody deeply. But it's just as it is, it's just memories.

The person that you are last 10 years that I miss, is different from the person that you are right now.

However, as I keep moving forward, I realized that sometimes first loves are just disillusions and sometimes you have to let it go because people change and feelings change.

The spark is gone, leaving me cold and afraid.

But questions in my head still remains, will that spark return if I ever get to see you again?

I find it hard to figure that out.

Scribbles 16

Music in the old days. One can't help it for it rekindles old memories. Memories that make me happy and sad thus, making me a normal person for once.

Then again, it always brings me back to a world wherein I always lived, an escape from the boring and dull reality that I have always faced. So far, that world is always been my safe haven wherein I put my thoughts in there, dreams and fantasies that for once, I hope that will happen in reality.

It makes me happy and sometimes, people might find it weird but I don't have to compromise for them.

I think of possibilities that life will turn around for me but I don't have to control it because I have to let it be. I'm not God, or a supreme being that take charges every time and besides, it would be stressful if I ever overpower that supreme being.

I find it funny because there is one particular song in that playlist that makes me happy and sad at the same time, mixed emotions that I find weird because I view myself as a direct person. When I'm happy, I'm happy and well, you get the logic.

For once, I find myself smiling again, the smile that I haven't pictured out for the last decade.

To My Best Friend

Sometimes, we "half-know" people. Half-know in the sense that we never know what they can do or can't do because people in our lives are passing through, temporary beings that help us in getting to know who we are.

However, it is up to oneself to choose such people that they will dedicate themselves fully and sometimes, others might tend to hurt you, or even crush your spirit but don't let it fret to you because you only know yourself better, not them.

If only I can help you fully but sometimes, in order to let a person grow, one must leave them to realize their own consequences and be able to stand on their own feet.

However, I accepted the fact that you make mistakes for you are human, all of us.

Honestly, I wanted to hunt down the person who make you suffer and maybe, burn him to the ground and make a feast out of it to make him pay for his consequences but you let yourself do the act.

I can't judge you for that because you are also human, we make mistakes and sometimes, you have to face such consequences and for once, you have to face it alone.

You can do it for I have faith in you. I will pray for your safety and good health especially at your condition. Things will turn around.

They will turn around that life will surprise you again.

I will interfere in time,but right now, you have to do it on your own and for once, be free.

I give you this words because you are a special person to me, and I treasure you for that.

Scribbles 15

I looked at the stars thinking. Well, it's probably a habit that I think too much. Then, you came again in my mind.

Sometimes, I wonder if I ever came in your mind, just a little peak of it but then again, I'm not a mind-reader.  I don't really know anything.

However, I think of such possibilities, positive and negative ones. Possibilities that we might see each other someday; Instances that my feelings for you may or may not be gone because people change. Chances are you have changed and so am I thus, I don't even know what to think. 

It was confusing because I'm not a fortune-teller. I hadn't seen you for a long time and sometimes, waiting is unbearable.

Though, waiting for a long time is unbearable, when you love the person, one doesn't mind it because one is hoping that this wait will grant a dream of reconciliation.

When you love a person, you hope that you will meet again and hope that the unresolved issue will blossom fully.

In the corner of my mind, "Blah, it's just a silly puppy love. It will never work because they never fully developed. Plus,people change." It's rational to think about it.

However, the heart (well let's just say I like to keep it metaphorical. Plus, I know the heart's function is just to pump blood for oxygen but It's more interesting to add it.) urges you that don't let the feeling go and we never know what might happen.

Sigh, Emotions. Sometimes I even wonder why it was created. However, if it is gone, then Life will be dull and boring.

Plus, you are very lucky to have me being loyal to you for a decade and sometimes, I hope that you will wake up. 

So it ends, I hope.

I suffered.

I will wait.

I still hope.

I still love you for a decade.

But we never know. Life can be very unpredictable.

I even think of the possibility that you are gay because you are feminine as a kid. HAHA. Well, I can just laugh about my love life because it's the biggest joke in my life.

UPD

That guy who is now in University of the Philippines Diliman, if you ever found this, this is how I really feel:

Sometimes the worst part of being in love is its uncertainty. People longed for this emotion that sometimes they never mind being vulnerable because it is love, a fluttering emotion that gives happiness, bliss, and joy. However, the idea of it is beautiful but it does not mean that it’s always happy.

 In the past, I dreamed that my love story will be similar to my parents- they are childhood friends that ended up being together.  Such happiness and joy that they ended up but despite of that, they still argue but it is natural in a rational way. 

The only guy that I have ever loved was my first love from elementary. Honestly, part of my mind is the sense of longing that one day we will meet in the future, and maybe have a chance again. I dreamed that distance always makes the heart fonder and one day, he will realize that I still long for him and he is still there because he is special.  I believed the statement, that first love never dies and the fantasy that one day, we will meet and start again. The fantasy of good things will come to those who wait and long for it and the dream of us, ending up happily ever after.

However, as I grow and face reality, I shunned myself for thinking these thoughts when I was young. I beat myself for being an idiot, for dreaming that someday we will meet and realize that we can be more than friends. I waited for him but sometimes, back in my head that what if I waited for nothing thus again, leaving me lonely and defeated.

Furthermore, people change and feelings change. I accepted the fact that the love I endure cannot be reciprocated. Though I’m used to being the defeated person, if he is happy with another then let it be. I have no right to do anything because if it’s not meant to be, I have no choice but to leave it broken.

Leaving it broken, that’s how I’m used to live. I maybe strong on the outside but in the inside lay a broken and sad person. The thought of uncertainty that the love I build cannot be reciprocated is in the back of my head but the thought of there might be chance, is also there.

Honestly, love is a confusing maze because even this precise mind, cannot even figure out. However, I don’t really rush these things.

 I even prefer not to feel anything and stick to my own priorities and family and I still want to mend those wounds.

However, I still longed for that first love.

 Yes, even this precise mind is an idiot when it comes to love.

Honestly, I still longed for him even if it makes me sad because I’m hoping this sadness and sacrifice will pay off in the future.

 However, time will tell and life is unpredictable. These words that I constructed will become the biggest lies I have ever read in the future because I never underestimated the power of change.

One never knows what will happen but I still believe that God writes my own love story. God has plans for me because I’m his daughter.

And chances are, I don't want to think about it anymore. I choose to let you go and yeah, I have to keep moving forward.

“Without me, his world will go on turning, a world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.”-Eponine (Les Miserables)

Ordinary day for Silent Bittermelon

Silent Bittermelon wakes up early because she is getting ready for school. As usual, a cup of coffee is what she needs and a little bread to fill her stomach.

Her mother was in a bad mood again but she is used to it. She just listens and concentrates on her breakfast. It's just an ordinary day for her but outside, it will be an exciting adventure.

She didn't see it as an exhausting routine to go to her school because she prefers to be outside, doing something than being stuck inside her house. She is excited to meet variety of people in public transport and maybe laugh at their own faults and clumsiness in her mind.

She even sees it as an adventure to find a jeepney to ride everyday and challenge herself to get to it on time. Though people find it exhausting, she didn't mind because someday this routine will be rewarded into something big.

She arrived at school with that expressionless face of hers. People greeted her hello and she greeted back. It's special for her because beyond that facade, lies an innocent and cheerful spirit.

So yeah, she arrived the earliest as usual. She never minds because she is used to it. She thought of taking a nap for a while to level up her energy but she is restless because of her over-thinking nature. Moreover, she always sees it to a point that the person that arrives next is going to be fun to mess with in her head.

Then a person came and the second one to arrive, her jolly classmate Annoying Grapes. She dislikes that classmate of hers because of his happy-go-lucky nature but she keeps it in her mind. However,she still sees him as a friend because she is never bored whenever he talks about stuff. She tolerates him but in a non-platonic way and that dude is so feminine. Her first impression is that he could be gay.

She keeps that in mind because she is trained on how to keep her thoughts in tact. Then, her classmates came. A variety of personalities that yes, she can never get bored because she is surrounded with fun and amazing people. However, she still sticks to her reserved self because that's who she is. She joins the fun, talks and socialize.

It's just an ordinary day for some but she is used to making it not so ordinary because she is so unpredictable. For her, life is unpredictable and that's the beauty of it.