Statement

I remembered a friend and mostly the public (classmates, friends,and relatives) asked me,"Why are you still single and unattached?"

Hmmm, I answered a hint of sarcasm. I answered that guys see me as their guy friend because I'm too headstrong and independent. I answered that I don't really need a partner because I can handle myself better.

I can handle myself better. That phrase is always my answer every time somebody asked me if why I an still single.

However, I still long for true love, I mean who doesn't?. People longed for it even if it hurts them a lot and causes destruction to their own lives, because it gives happiness and bliss.

I have been in love with one person but I choose to let him go. I choose to be away from him to follow his dreams even without me by his side.

I remembered that time when he will go to UP Diliman to pursue his studies. If this is on a cheesy movie series, the girl would cry and asked the guy to be on her side forever. I would gladly to write a few words that would suggest the scene. The words will be, "Huwag mo na akong iiwan. Nandito naman ako Eh. Paano na ba ta'yo?" Damn, I would rate and criticize that movie a lot and even react on the girl that be Independent and Free. Huwag kang magdepende sa ibang tao. To have someone, is not an assurance to be happy.

What did I do? I encouraged him to go there as a loyal friend and follow his dream. I never showed any hint of negativity about his plan because that's what he wanted. He's happy that he can achieve greater heights. I was happy for him too, even if I was never a part of his success.

If you really love a person, you have got to let them go even if it hurts your own and curbs your own happiness for love isn't about being selfish, it's about being selfless.

That's the reason why I never believed that Love changes people and if you really love a person, you have to change for him. Love is about acceptance because if you really love a person, you have got to accept who he really is-his own strengths and weaknesses.  In a female's perspective, You fell in love with that guy because of who he is, not by the way he looks physically and attractively. In a male's perspective, it's about the physicality of the female because they are about transfer of genes. (That's just a gist of facts.)

In addition, people wanted to be loved, but being committed to them is another story. I also think that is the reason why I'm still single because I'm afraid that I might lose my independence but that doesn't mean I'm promiscuous. I have dreams too and wanted to aim higher to achieve this goals.

This is what I read: Men are more ludic (multiple sexual partners) because they are all about transfer of genes only. Whenever they have female friends, they are mostly stereotyped as the Alpha Male.

In general, I never fully trusted guys when it comes to love because most of them are ludic, and prefer to choose the easier girls to get that is why, I'm also cautious when it comes to that emotion.

That is also why I react (on my mind) about people complaining they have empty love lives. Man, Are you even ready to enter the game of love? Respect yourself and close the wounds of the past so that you can be fair to the next one who might fall for you.

I'm almost preaching in this blog so pardon me for that. Anyway, I will end this post with a statement:

To have someone, is not an assurance to be happy. Be yourself, and love a person who values that.

Nice Talking :)

Scribbles 14

I'm in the province right now so I will gobble up the experience and time to write for a while. As I sit on the old swing beside our house, I was thinking to entertain myself. As usual, I hate to be bored so I just over -think and choose to bury my thoughts in my mind.

I just wanted peace outside that house that's why I prefer living alone and free. As the movement of the swing swifts through my memories, I remembered people or the public talking out loud, feeling better about themselves, and just living the night below those dancing lights and intoxicating alcohol and liquors.

I just let them be because that is their only way on how to entertain themselves. I just let them be themselves because that's who they are and I have no right to change that norm.

I feel awkward at first because of the environment. I cannot stand loud noises and flickering lights because it hurts my head, leaving it brain-dead.

That is why, I prefer walking alone and though the public might find it rude and offensive, and sometimes boring, I didn't mind because that's who I am. Moreover, the public has no right to change who I am and it is my choice whether I will change. I will change and hold my own principles for myself, not to please them because I prefer living with my own rules and principles.

I remembered them inviting me to be like them. Even before the trip started, I knew that this sort of thing will happen and I'm prepared. I even said to them that I'm not really the most fun person to be with. Then again, they wanted me to join because they wanted me to be like them.

However, even my face looked innocent and vulnerable, I am self-assured and headstrong. I don't mind if they will judge me as the boring person because in reality, people will hurt you and it is up to you if that hurtful words will bring you down, or lift you up.

In that event, they just danced and partied themselves away. I just sat there quietly and looked at the stars. Furthermore, I decided to enjoy myself a bit but a little different from theirs. I don't really mind most of them and I just let it be because they wanted to unwind in that sort of way.

I prefer to be quiet at that time and talk occasionally when somebody asked something.

That time wherein the environment was so uncomfortable, I prefer to shut up because I might blow my lid off and will start a fiery dispute.

I was trained to hold my words to myself and strike when the time is right.

 However, I assure you that you have to be prepared when hearing those words from me, because I will tell you the bitter truth and the harsh reality that I perceive.

Nice talking.:)

So yeah this is an image that says it all:

I think you will be seeing me on a nearest mental ward in B.Rodriguez.Hahaha..Kidding.

SUMMER!

Man, I'm bored and I will just write random stuff to entertain myself.

Anyway, it's SUMMER!.Yay!. I will just dump everything I wanted to do in this blog or Dreamed to do in this blog.


1. Travel-this dream, aaah...so breathtaking and nice. The more exotic the location is, the better. hahaha.... I will do my best to travel all around the world especially in the most weird and unknown locations.

Here are some shots I took in Bagacay Beach in Sibonga, Cebu (A South Province)

Amateur shots XD.

Mountain Shots in Busay- (Credits to Andrea Evarientos for modeling and Eden Grace Bontuyan for introducing the place.) Man, I love hiking and exploring new places and Busay is such a breathe of fresh air. Many wild flowers, plants, and the landscape is breathtaking especially at night which is very good in stargazing. I miss the place and I will really puke rainbows if somebody invited me to go hiking.hahaha

Shots of a beach in Valladolid, Carcar- (Highschool farewell party) It's a nice place because of its tranquility.  Plus, it's very secretive and mysterious. Haha

Taoist temple and any other temples- My friends and I went there to cram our own photography assignments in a major class. Hahaha. So yeah, these are some of my amateur shots. 

Roxas, City- My family visited a sick aunt there so I took the liberty of taking photographs of the place. I love it because of its natural and old heritage style that takes you back in time. Plus, my favorite was the human chess board.hahhaha..

My favorite of all is Palawan- Yes, it's a very exotic place and the most exotic place I've ever been. It has a unique blend of an urban city and a natural and rural area which wanted one to dig more and explore. I went to Palawan because of writing seminar (CEGP-College Editor Guild of the Philippines) because I'm still on the school publication back then. (Credits to ate Melanie Montano for the photographs)

2. Do something for the greater good- like teaching for example, I always love to teach especially kids.hahaha...It's challenging and relaxing. However, I hope that I will pass the facilitator's workshop. (Fingers crossed)

SUMMER ART WORKSHOP in UP Cebu.

3. Avoid being bored and earn income- Yeah, I wanted to do something sufficient this summer. Hahaha..So, thankfully, a friend offered me an Article-writing job. (Thank you Lord!) So, I'm doing my best to achieve it.

4. Eat- Yeah, the sem drained my fats because of schoolwork and stuff but I'm not gonna give up on eating something especially if it includes chocolate and sweets.Hahahaa...(Even though I have braces, I will still going to eat those sweet stuff.XD)

5. Relax- In my own pace, I will relax.HAHAHA. but I still wanted to do something so that I will not be bored. Anyway, I will sleep well and dream big.hahaha....


Nice Talking! Strange Online Paper :)

The Story of Silent Bittermelon

She is silent, reserved and quiet. Life for her is just passing through for she organizes and plans on what she will do. All she ever wanted is study, get a job, and be a successful person for her family.

Silent Bittermelon rationalizes every single moment of her life. She analyzes problems like math and looks at events like history. She prefers books that gives her knowledge that is very vital. She excels at schoolwork because that's what she is ever good at. However, when she fails in every little thing in that field, it's as if the world has turned her down. She is depressed but she knows that everything will be fine.

She is good and talented at that field. Moreover, she does everything to finish the job that was handed to her. She was used to the stressed life of working and doing all those responsibilities that she forgets that she is also human. She is robotic and analytical, a trait that is beneficial to her classmates because she can do everything on her own. However, her classmates never really know who she is deep inside. 

Silent Bittermelon can do everything because she is up for a challenge. However, she is a paranoid and panic oriented person whenever she realizes that she cannot do it all. It will be a painful punch on her ego if she fails but after that punch, she knows how to stand up because there might be something new ahead. 

She is alone but she is used to that. She values it because she can be herself. Freedom is what she really wanted and a leap of faith is what terrifies her.

That is why, she never thought that life will always prove you wrong. She plans ahead on what she will do but Life always beat the shit out of her. Why?. Because she had a road block hindering those plans.

That road block is annoying at first but later on, bloomed into something unexpected. Silent Bittermelon prioritizes her studies first but never realized that she will encounter someone.

However, that road block can be nice but Silent Bittermelon thinks twice because she has lots of priorities in mind like being successful for her family. Besides, the road block has feelings for somebody else leaving her alone as usual.

The road block?. Well, in layman's term, Silent Bittermelon fell in love. However, she analyzes that the love she felt is just one-sided.

Too bad, Silent Bittermelon is not the social type because she prefers to keep it casual and laid-back. Moreover, she has a family to help in hand.

On the positive note, Silent Bittermelon just hides that one-sided love and keeps it as an inspiration to pursue more. For her, it's a thankful blessing because it proves her wrong.

Scribbles 13

You don't really know what I face everyday, but it's okay. Both of you are still the most important people in my life. 

Even though that you don't like the tone in my voice whenever I answer your questions, it's fine because I'm used to that. I still answered your questions as a sign of respect but if ever it resulted in a fiery dispute, then fine and forgive me for that. 

I'll just let it be. I will just listen to your advice and open my mind. Even though it hurts and sometimes I tend to hide those anxieties inside, I will still listen. Both of you are the most important people in my life and either I had no choice but to listen to your advice and I am up for a change.

I'm used to being that way, the fact that silence is my companion and my mind is my best friend. If only both of you can dig deep and read my mind, then I hope that you can understand. If only you will see me outside the claustrophobic walls of this house, then both of you will realize that this is who I really am. 

Forgive me for being that aloof and defensive daughter that you always interpreted inside the house. I am a person too and I make my own mistakes. I had my own problems to solve that sometimes stress overcomes my conscience. 

Despite of all that, I hope that in your eyes, both of you will see a strong and righteous person. I hope that you will accept me for who I am and who I wanted to be.

Sometimes, I hope that both of you will think that you have a daughter that is free to make her own choices and priorities. I hope that you are also thankful for having a daughter that doesn't kid around and can stand on her own two feet.

Even though that your words hurt me inside, I still thank them. I still thank you because it made me a stronger and independent person.

And tomorrow, I will wake up and think of a new adventure that lies ahead. I choose to be happy and free because the world is a beautiful place rather than being stuck in the claustrophobic walls of this house.

It's okay. I will be fine because both of you are still the most important people in my life.

A letter to Him

Hey.

Yes, that is the only word that I could say to you personally. However, that "Hey", has more meaning to it. I never get to express it personally because I'm scared. That is also why whenever you try to talk to me, I'll just look on the floor, avoiding each glances you have given because I'm afraid-Afraid of the unknown and the inevitable. Scared of the idea that the love is unrequited, and never reciprocated because I have experienced that syndrome.

Forgive me for having a face that is expressionless and blank. It's just that I'm terrified that's all. I hope you understand.

Honestly, I am hoping that you could dig deeper. However, part of that assumption is a curse of unwavering sadness.

Truth is, I really like you and I cannot pinpoint when and why. Even this precise mind of mine cannot even figure it out.

However, one thing is certain. I think I liked you because you are just nice and it is annoying.

I was annoyed at first because the thought of you causes me to feel uncertain. Uncertain in terms that I can't concentrate and focus anymore.

It is annoying but as time passes, it became annoyingly nice until now. Then, I realized that you changed my perception of how I see myself.

I realized that I'm not that bitter person that I thought I was.

However, these words might be too late because you might have found another. But it's okay. If only you have read this, I would be glad.

I'm used to being the pitiful and secretive one and I think I'm happy even if I could just look at you from a distance.

Thank you for leaving a mark in my empty and sad life.

A Walk with a Friend

A friend of mine have this crazy idea that we have to accomplish taking a walk from Lahug (UP-Cebu) to Basak (which is considered the center point of where the jeepneys to the South will bound).

Yesterday, we did it and accomplished the "walking trip".

Hahahaha, It was fun and crazy at the same time. We just walked from UP to Basak starting from 4 pm and we reached Basak at around 6 pm.

It was an hour of walking, talking, and expressing ourselves.

It was a memorable experience but we did it. We arrived happily and can't imagine that we accomplished such crazy thing.

At least, we saved a little of our money that day. Indeed, it was a good exercise.

Scribbles 12

I don't know what to think anymore but honestly, I know I am happy.

I am happy even though that I can just look at you from a distance.

I am happy for the first time that my heart fluttered again from being a cold and frozen desert.

It's weird. It's annoying.

It's irritating because I know that happiness has always a price of heart breaking sadness.

However, it is still nice.

It is nice that for once, I will look at a fantasy in the harsh reality I have always faced.

It is uplifting that I felt a little bit of it, even just a tiny piece, a little gesture of that emotion.

It is indescribable that even my words don't know how to express it.

Though I know that it is not mutual, I'm still at bliss.

Because I hoped for just a little bit of that emotion, and God gave it.

I am happy for once.

Even though deep in my heart, happiness has its return of sadness, that is life.

Life is unfair but its unfairness will always make one happy.

Sudden Realization

"It's funny to watch how youngsters nowadays worry about petty things. They worry about not having an expensive brand and materials, not being able to fit in the norms of the society, and being unable to ride in the tidal trend that will make them popular and cool."

I remember writing these thoughts in that old notebook that I have in high school wherein I target mean girls in the class and how I always see them. I was the quiet one back then because all I am concentrating is books and studies. It's nice remembering High school again for at least, I have true friends (though a few) that always understands me and know me a lot.

That is also why, I feel flattered when the public recognizes me despite that aloof and expressionless personality of mine. I feel humbled that they trust me with such responsibilities that even my insecure self failed to recognize.

I was a messed up person looking for my own piece of mind that I have never realized that people look up to me as a strong person.

I also hate to admit it but I am always hard to myself so pardon me for that, because I'm also not perfect.

So yeah, I'm letting it be and I will do my best to cope up with those hopes.

Scribbles 11

Just say it to my face.

Please, relieve me from this misery.

Say it already.

So that I won't hope anymore.

My heart is broken in the first place.

What's the use of feeling again?

Say it without hesitation.

The painful truth, because I'm always ready for it.

I lived a life of sadness and tactless words,

I'm used to it so why bother hiding it?

See? Think again.

Don't bother hiding it.

Don't bother try to care for me because I don't really need anybody.

All my hopes are buried in the dark side of my heart

They are drowned with these miserable thoughts of mine.

Think again.

I tolerate you in the real world, but deep inside, you are something else.

Something special.

However, special things are meant to be given away to those who are more worth it.

And I think, I am not worth it. So yeah, I have always accepted that truth.

The truth hurts, but it forces you to face it, leaving you empty-handed or victorious.

The journey to the unknown can be a curse or an adventure.

And it keeps me guessing, which is frustrating.

So please, just say it.

I will look at you without any ounce of expression.

But deep inside, it will hurt and I have no choice but to move on again.

So why make it complicated?

Scribbles 10

Blessed are the forgetful.

Why? For they are strong enough to forget such sad memories and move on with their lives. Unresolved happenings that made them accept that they are just happenings that are meant to be like that.

Curse people like me who have precise minds that still remember everything especially those special and broken moments.

That's why I'm just a person who is just looking for a piece of mind and freedom, I'm not perfect.

Go resolve yours.

Scribbles 9

A friend asked me that what if, you are just using him in order to forget about the last love you have experienced?

I was confused at first and I nodded in silence because what if I have hurt another person because of my ability to hide everything inside. (Curse me for being an introvert.)

Still, the question is still boggling me. I walked home thinking of the same question, exhausted and confused. Then, I looked above and true, the attachment is still there inside but I tell myself that find little things to gain in every moment in the present, instead of dwelling on what you lost.

I explored long enough in that dark memory that sometimes, I am sad thinking about it again. I lost him and I grieved about it in the past. I accepted it and move on because I'm trying to shift my focus to the future.

My mistake is that I swear to myself that I prevent myself from feeling again, stick to studying and reading books only and focus on the needs of my family. This mistake is also the reason why people judge me as the bitter one, but honestly, I am lonely.

Then, He came and it was unexpected. I have never realized that it could mean anything else. In fact,  he helped me to feel again and heal those wounds. Though He never realized it, that's what I feel and I still hide it.

That is my curse, being an introvert and pretentious, because I'm also a coward and afraid to be taken for granted.

I think that use is not the right word for it. Instead, a gesture of a little help that yes, made a big difference on how I see myself and the possibilities.

He just came and fixed me.

Because of him, I, the Grinch, open up my heart and feel again.

However, this Grinch is still terrified of a little leap of faith and will only flow out these words on a blank sheet of online paper than saying it on person.

Fixations, WHEN can I ever get rid of it?

Love Rain (a cheesy post)

I'm done doing plates and projects last night. All I want is to pass it and then, I can be at peace.

A random thought of the Korean drama, Love Rain, immediately popped in my head after I panicked last night doing the plates of my "beloved" adviser.

I will begin through this image.

Now, I remember why I love in this drama because I rarely watch Korean dramas. I love it because of their quotes and understanding of what pure,sincere and innocent love is. 

I mean, nowadays, sincere people are very hard to find. Sometimes, they hide their sincerity because they are afraid that they can be taken for granted. 

Honestly, I hide my feelings because I'm afraid to be taken for granted.

Although the idea of love is beautiful, it has two faces- happiness and sadness (from Love rain again). For me, I remember mostly the sadness part of love. I have been hurt because of it in the past, but I have to let it go and move on. 

(And thankfully, I have.)

On the other hand, It is also my fault that I hide these feelings inside because I was too coward to say it or I was the type who is scared of a little leap of faith, an uncanny chance. I never liked being the first one who tells somebody that, "Hey! I like you a lot!." It would be weird and unnatural in my case.

Furthermore, I master the art of making my feelings not obvious to the public. I remember telling my best friends that I like someone and they react," Really?, Dili lagi obvious?." (Hahaha, In my mind, I fancy the public's naivety of who I really am.) Even though I make fun of the public in my mind, I am scared to let that someone know what I really feel because I might get the result of me engaging in a solo flight. 

In other words, I'm scared that I will get the result that the love is unrequited again.

Which leads us back again to the statement that I hide my feelings because I'm afraid to be taken for granted.

That's just about it, another cheesy post and I'm craving for an ice cream to help ease my depression.

OLD BLOG

This is my old blog when I was a 3rd year highschool student. (http://damselmondido23.wordpress.com/)

I can't believe that I found it.hahaha. Well, they were just random write-ups last high school.

It's a little embarrassing because I end up disliking myself now that I wrote those stuff. I was disgusted reading it again. hahaha.

Scribbles 8

I really hate to admit it but I am paranoid and panic-oriented person. (And I think it's obvious so please understand.) My syndrome is I just can't relax and tend to do everything. For me, it is not normal in a day if I haven't done anything.

Even when I'm bored, I think of random stuff in my brain that sometimes, friends see me as a weird individual. (Pardon me for that.) Moreover, the reason that I sleep late is that I analyze random stuff and emotions. 

The reason why I want to walk alone and explore long roads is to think. I rarely express words because I'm scared to talk about it especially if it's about emotional stuffs. I let people around me share what they feel when they like it. However, I tend to walk away from those feelings because I'm afraid to be judged.

I really curse myself for being an introvert. That is also why I really appreciate people who make an effort to get to know me better and figure me out.

But, I value my own independence and freedom. I don't want to be pinned down and caged because I dislike being bounded. I am not the possessive type because I value others' freedom as well. It's very simple.

So, back to topic. I am a paranoid person. The evidence is today when our class eat at the Royal Concourse Hotel. It is an eat all you can buffet package and I just get random food in my plate. However, when I started eating it, I was inflated and disgusted. Man, I was bloated and I can't finish the food I randomly get. 

The creepy signage hit me: "PLATES WITH LEFTOVERS WILL BE DOUBLE THE CHARGE."

What did I do? I get a plastic in my bag and start storing the leftovers in my plate in it secretly. My friends noticed it and they laughed at me. They even scare me that a surveillance camera is there and people in the hotel will check up on our bags. 

I was dumb because I believed them immediately. (Curse me and Them! in a jokingly manner)

Panic syndrome?. I think it's obvious when you read this post and the evidence hahaha.

Well, that is life. If one really knows themselves, we just laugh about it.

"You grow up the day you first laugh at yourself."-Ethel Barrymore

KOI 101

THIS is our Final plate for Materials class: The KOI fish installation made of rattan.

So, I will let pictures tell about our plates. haha. (Sometimes one has to undergo "wordlessness".)

The Koi's face. We were planning on selling this installation for us to gather income.

Eden, my partner for this project. An amazing person. :D

Smile even though it's getting harder.

We really hope that someone would buy it.hahaha...XD. but even if it is that way, it is an amazing project because Eden and I did not even realize that we can build it together.

Anyway, it is still unfinished because of some details that needed to be wrapped. However, the project is really fun and memorable.

Credits to Jo Aubrey Pineda and Romuel Apuya for the photographs.:)

Mother and Me

I was envious of people who are really close to their mothers.

There, I spilled one tiny little secret about me. Well, my relationship with my mother is not really at par than my father. (I was closer to my father.)

My mother and I are very different. My mother is more loud, tactful and speaks what's on her mind all the time. Sometimes, she just baffle out words that hurt me all the time because she is stressed from work and errands. I just let her de-stress by listening to her words, opening my mind on what she will say. I just look at her without any ounce of expression, a blank face and listen.

Then, I realized that "listening" skill of mine is what I inherited from my dad. Whenever they are arguing, my mother will battle it out through her outspoken words and my father will just sit there, listen, and look at her without any ounce of expression.

However, sometimes the disadvantage of being a good listener is that you are judged as being weak and spineless on the outside.

The reason why I am used to being calm and collected (but when it comes to studies, I panic a lot and that is another story) is that I pictured people as my outspoken mother.

I never hated my mother. It's just that, we were not very close.

But I know as time passes, there will be a way that will patch up the relationship between me and my mother.

"Scribbles" Explanation

The Scribbles Collection is a bunch of write-ups that I write (or typed) whenever I'm bored and wanted to express what I feel inside.

I just entitled them Scribbles because I was too lazy to write a title for them. haha. (Laziness strikes.)

Anyway, they are just pieces of phrases and sentences that even I was scared, and careful to say it to others personally.

On a cheerful note, it is up to you on how you title these scribbles. Hahaha. I really appreciate it.
                                                       

Scribbles 5

What if one day in class, I will talk to people with a high pitched voice?

I will greet them joyfully without any reason.

I will get their full attention to make them recognize me.

Even when working on plates, I will just scream happily that it is very fun. (Even if it's not.)

After this thought came out, I realized that man, it is very annoying to watch me being like that.

It is annoying because it's not really me.

Then, I also thought that what would my classmates think if one day, I can be as attention seeker as I can be.

However, don't worry. I won't do that skit.

I know myself better.

I don't really seek attention nor care about people's judgments about me.

That is the cycle of life and being human. One is always judged.

Though people might think I am a weak and innocent person, I still care for them. 

I'm not the type who holds grudges but I remember offenses for a long time.

Though I remember people who offended me, I still treat them right and keep the little pieces of broken glass to myself. 

And if one has read all (well, not all) of these entries, I also hope that the reader will think again and be careful with their own words next time.

For me, this strange and blank online paper is about an extension of myself,  where words that I rarely express to most people be put because I prefer writing words than speaking it. 

 If you had read this blank canvass, you already know me as a human being, not as an academic freak.

And I will always appreciate that.

Scribbles 4

At first, I was annoyed.

I was irritated when our little gestures causes so much attention to others.

At first, I did not care about it all.

Because you are like that to all of your friends.

It is just an act of friendliness.

However, as time passes by, why do I feel strange?

When you just enter the room, I become nervous.

The feeling of awkwardness is present whenever I approach you.

Though this feeling isn't recognizable, I feel awkward and shy.

I said to myself that I should just forget about it.

It is nothing.

But then again, it always means something.

Part of me tells that "there is something going on."

Could it be?

My mind always tackles it with the statement: "The feeling isn't mutual."

I just let it be. However, Chances are there to make my heart as frozen and cold as it can be, become warm.

Yes, I felt something again.

At first, it was annoying.

But now, it was annoyingly nice.

Though as gay as it can be, the feeling is annoyingly nice.

And I think you can already guess the feeling.

Though I am fearful of this emotion, I longed for it even just a little bit of it.

It is an emotion that triggers the mind to produce oxytocin and a little bit of dopamine.

BLAH, who cares about scientific stuff?

Instead, let's make it simple.

I felt love.

Scribbles 3

I can stand on my own two feet.

I may look like a sad and innocent person but I have my own principles.

So, don't you dare dictate me on what I want to do .

Furthermore, don't you dare include other people and tarnish them with your own backbites.

I just said that it is people's nature to judge, to recover, and feel good about themselves.

Yet, most people never recognize the consequences of their own actions.

I might hide my anger and feelings in silence.

But I know how to handle myself, let alone endure all my problems because I don't want people to take advantage on me.

I am not the type who explodes in front of all of you because I don't want to be a burden and an attention seeker.

So please, if you will judge, know the person's back story first because you don't have a single clue of what that person has been going through.

See? This is what I really feel yet I know how to hide it. I master the art of detaching my own anger and frustrations to the real world.

At least, I learn how to listen intently. If you can just say it to my face, It would be nice because I will just listen and look at you without any ounce of expression.

People may feel sorry about my empty life and yes, I'm sorry for myself.

Pero di ko ang tawo na magpatagad, kay muhilom ra ko sa daplin para di mo mahasol. (I'm not the type who seeks other people's attention just for me to get better.)

However, I realized that I am a strong person. Though my life is a sorry one, I did not let it go through me. I keep moving forward.

And for once, All I longed for is a little bit of understanding.

I longed for a little bit of love.

I longed for a world where people can't judge.

Then again, that is the bitterness of reality. Though one cannot change it, one can choose what they really longed for.

Demeaning

Our Social Science class is very valuable today because it hit me again. It is about socialization factors that I cannot explain further because you might get bored. I will just skip to the point.

Demeaning is a habit in which people put meaning and importance to an object and even a person that has intricate value.

One example is when one suffers from a nasty breakup. The scenario is the radio played the past couple's theme song and then, that specific person is angry, bitter, and depressed whenever that song is played.

It is just a song. Plainly, a song. The problem is, people give meaning to it and turning it to a monster that destroys lives.

I was struck in this habit because I put meaning to objects,experiences and even people. I give importance to them without any reason. (There might be something but I cannot really construct it.)

One important lesson that really blows me away is when our teacher explained, When will a person know that he/she has already moved on? He answered, If the person considered the painful scenario as a blessing.

Man, this subject really amazes me. 

I remembered holding on to that "guy" in the past years. Honestly, I am happy that I let the feeling go. Though the emotion left a hole inside my arteries and veins, time always heal and will dig ways to patch up the hole.

It's just an object, a person, an experience. Don't put any meaning on it because one will suffer if it is gone.

However, one has to admit that we demean everything. Especially, if one is on oxytocin and dopamine.(research on it, if you want to figure it out.)

 

Nice talking strange online paper. :)

Scribbles 2

Happiness is a feeling even people with complicated minds are longing for it. They are many degrees and types of it but it is always the same result. A result, in which,people smile and crinkle their eyes with joy because they have finally achieved what they have longed for.

Longed for. The word always echoes in my head all the time in which it always brings the emotion of longing.

What am I longing for actually?

Love?

A little bit of understanding?

A world where people can't judge?

"Seems impossible to achieve for me," the pessimist idea of my brain thought.

A world where people can't judge?. Hmm, seems impossible because it is people's nature to judge others to protect,recover,and feel good about themselves. Even one's family judge each other, friends, and acquaintances, they are included in the picture.

Then, I thought it depends on how one can handle other people's judgments and backbites. If one can let these things swallow and tear them apart, he/she is not a strong person, a sensitive type. As for me, I just let them pass through and rot inside. However, there are also times in which these judgments explodes and make me cry alone in the dark. (I never liked people who watch me cry and break down. Believe me, it is not a pretty picture) I prefer keeping them inside and move on already.

Understanding?

I always understand people around me. Sometimes, I put all my understandings to them than myself. When people approach me because they needed help, I will always do my best to help them. However, I find it hard to find somebody to help me because I am used to shouldering all the burden to myself. I never wanted anybody to see me weak and broke because they might judge me for being a pitiful person.

 At home, my parents always told me to be responsible to your own siblings and to us all over again. I understand them because they are my family after all. However, I realized that for once, I wanted to do something for myself, for my own longing for happiness. Then it goes all over again, I needed guts and courage to do it that but I cannot leave them alone. If my family wanted me to do this and that, I will always do it for them.

Love?

I have been broken because of this emotion that it causes me to be bitter and cold. According to friends, it is a nice emotion in which you always flutter and float because it gives happiness and comfort.

 I thought to myself, Really?. Then, why am I hurt because of it? I loved the person in the past but he does not feel the same way.

Honestly, I am afraid of this emotion. Why? Because of that the same scenario in the past. However, part of me believes that idea and the other part states that it can turn around. Well, let' see if the other part can prove my brain wrong.

After draining my thoughts inside this blank sheet of online blog, I am now longing for a sandwich and a midnight snack. haha. XD

DOPAMINE- The Happiness Compound

Boredom

Free time is flowing, yet I have many things to do for surviving the semester. Man, I had the urge to write something but it seems I have writer's block right now. My thoughts are spiraling all over my brain, beeping and waiting for me to ease the traffic in my head. I desperately want to a walk to the beach or just a plain walk just to clear my head but laziness pulls my gravity down. (I mean, one has to admit that it can be like that.)

Then again, Boredom is where your mind is at its finest. Why? Because its emptiness will always challenge your head to think of something, randomly and creatively.

 For some, boredom is nothing yet nothing always means something. Hence, Boredom is something. It is uncertain and unpredictable just like life.

That's how I always see it, Life is a big question mark, an unpredictable turn of events that sometimes surprises and depresses. It punches you in the head and make you think again and reorganize yourself. The best part of it, some people always think they know everything but their lives always prove them wrong because of its unpredictability.

Take me for example, All my life, I liked reading books, discoveries of others, and writing stuffs that interests me a lot. I love to design objects that highlights my ideas and what I want to do in this world. My life has been a roller coaster of discovering something yet when it comes to feeling something (like love for example), it always confuses me and scares the hell out of me.

 I even pressured myself that in college, All I want is to let it pass through. College for me is study hard,get the diploma and be righteous about it, and find a job to sustain your family.

I was logical. However, I never pictured myself taking a risk,let alone falling for it because I'm used to a life of boredom,habits and predictability.

This causes me to think again. I always tell myself that Life is a big uncertainty because one doesn't know what their gonna get. I did not know what I will be getting because I always play it safe.

It is scary to take a leap of faith. However, no rule states that one cannot pretend to be courageous. Moreover, one cannot just sacrifice their own principles just to achieve some emotional goal.

See what boredom always does to me?Hahahha. Anyway, it is nice talking to you strange and blank online paper.

Looking forward

UP Cebu Grand Rally is tomorrow, March 4,2012.

Hmm...This is going to be fun because apart from hearing the GPOAs of each candidate for Student Council, emotions will suddenly burst and flow and candidates will show their true colors in the heated grand rally.

I remember Gordon Ramsay's saying that "If you don't stand the heat, get out of the kitchen!"(Insert the f words, and you know what I mean.)

I cannot wait to watch tomorrow.

The Great Pretender

It is nice to finally meet a friend who have seen the "real" me.

The "real" me is afraid. The type who pretend that she is okay to be able to mingle with other people.

The one who hides her anxiety and angst in life so that people cannot see her weakness.

The person who is trying to be strong and play it safe because she is too coward to take risks.

She said it to me personally and I admire her for that. I admire that she can read me all the time and had the courage to finally say it to my face.

She felt sorry for me. Actually, I even feel more sorry to myself.

All my life, I have been stuck to my obligations for my family and my siblings yet I never choose something for me to be happy.

I have never liked leap of faiths. Let alone, the journey to the unknown because I am too scared.

Yet, All my life I have been pretending to be brave, and to be strong for them.

I have been pretending.

Curse me for that attitude.

Then after that talk we had, It finally hit me.

Though she said all those things, I just listened intently.

Because I know that she is a true and concerned friend that woke me up.

And for that, I will always thank her.

New Leaf

It's just time for me to write what I love (and sometimes ashamed of admitting it) literary and creative write-ups.

In writing contests,practices,and workshops at school, teachers always put me in the news and factual writing areas. I always write straight news facts that yes, boring and objective. (However, the secret of a good news story is always the subjective part and yes, I spill the beans now.) The truth is, I have been writing literary stories and write-ups secretly in high school.

Funny thing is, most of the stuff I write is about that "guy", mean girls in the class, teachers I loved and hate, and random thoughts about life, my views and bitterness, frustrations, and everything. I even wrote a short story about my dog.

I was childish at that time so it is a little embarrassing.

So yeah, It is time for me to turn over a new leaf.

Memories

This is the paper in which my highschool classmate asked me to write for her. The funny thing is, I was chillin in facebook and then, a chat pops out. Man, she just needed me to construct words and paragraphs about memories. It took me 5 minutes to sort it out so yeah, this is just a rough draft.

High school classmate: do memories hinder or help people in their effort to learn from the past and succeed in the future. what is your stand. i cant write any. (wow,demanding.haha.just kidding.)


Memories is made from our own subconscious mind which is always activated by neurotransmitters whenever something related to it happens in reality. Though it can be considered cliche, memories somehow help people to push themselves to get a brighter future so that they won't be able to go back.

Memories are just reminders of how people used to be and their mistakes in the past. They are building blocks in order for people to improve themselves more and break free.

It depends on how people handle such memories.

However, one must bear that memories are meant to be in the past.

Memories (especially the bad ones) can hinder one's mental and emotional upbringing in life because some memories could hurt one's feelings especially if the one is at an early age.

It can affect one's view in life especially in the present which can lead to trauma and psychological depression. People must urge themselves to make better memories, so that it can heal the bad ones or if some people cannot do it, others can help them recover it by being part of those good memories in the present.

That's all. It is funny because my high school classmates still approach me (even now) to help them with their paper. Well, I'm bored at that time so I tried my best to help them.

At Least, they still remember the nerd  writer girl in their class. hahhaa.XD

Scribbles 1

The sound of music in the background and sometimes always drifts him away from boring reality. A silent world that he can live peacefully and harmoniously, without any distractions and safe place to escape. 

He meets random people that always seat beside him, some even behind him and he interacts with them but in a shallow way. He receives what he wanted by lending his hand behind him, without looking. Some have a person at the back, barking up loudly to get what they wanted.

 He lived a life of repetition where the only thing he does is to look forward, steer the wheel, and be careful not to hit something or worse, somebody. He can speed it up but cautiously because he will be caught by some fat blue police guy. Sometimes, he will find patiently for people to see his strength and to interact with him. However, some people that entered in his ordinary life are impatient and irritable because they have an appointment to catch or is already late.

The ironic thing is, without him, one cannot reach their own destinations especially the ones who have nothing.

That is the life of a jeepney driver. Although a life of repetition, it is a handful of enormous service and drive.