Scribbles 2

Happiness is a feeling even people with complicated minds are longing for it. They are many degrees and types of it but it is always the same result. A result, in which,people smile and crinkle their eyes with joy because they have finally achieved what they have longed for.

Longed for. The word always echoes in my head all the time in which it always brings the emotion of longing.

What am I longing for actually?

Love?

A little bit of understanding?

A world where people can't judge?

"Seems impossible to achieve for me," the pessimist idea of my brain thought.

A world where people can't judge?. Hmm, seems impossible because it is people's nature to judge others to protect,recover,and feel good about themselves. Even one's family judge each other, friends, and acquaintances, they are included in the picture.

Then, I thought it depends on how one can handle other people's judgments and backbites. If one can let these things swallow and tear them apart, he/she is not a strong person, a sensitive type. As for me, I just let them pass through and rot inside. However, there are also times in which these judgments explodes and make me cry alone in the dark. (I never liked people who watch me cry and break down. Believe me, it is not a pretty picture) I prefer keeping them inside and move on already.

Understanding?

I always understand people around me. Sometimes, I put all my understandings to them than myself. When people approach me because they needed help, I will always do my best to help them. However, I find it hard to find somebody to help me because I am used to shouldering all the burden to myself. I never wanted anybody to see me weak and broke because they might judge me for being a pitiful person.

 At home, my parents always told me to be responsible to your own siblings and to us all over again. I understand them because they are my family after all. However, I realized that for once, I wanted to do something for myself, for my own longing for happiness. Then it goes all over again, I needed guts and courage to do it that but I cannot leave them alone. If my family wanted me to do this and that, I will always do it for them.

Love?

I have been broken because of this emotion that it causes me to be bitter and cold. According to friends, it is a nice emotion in which you always flutter and float because it gives happiness and comfort.

 I thought to myself, Really?. Then, why am I hurt because of it? I loved the person in the past but he does not feel the same way.

Honestly, I am afraid of this emotion. Why? Because of that the same scenario in the past. However, part of me believes that idea and the other part states that it can turn around. Well, let' see if the other part can prove my brain wrong.

After draining my thoughts inside this blank sheet of online blog, I am now longing for a sandwich and a midnight snack. haha. XD

DOPAMINE- The Happiness Compound